Damned if I dont, Damned if I do.

Its 2009, this means a few things. My time here is winding down, and im starting to get a tad nervous about what comes next. Many questions in my head; Am I ready to go back home? Do I want to extend my service for another year in order to see some projects through? Should I just get a job here (non peace corps related) for another year. Where do I want to go to graduate school? Do I want to go to graduate school now? How am I going to pass my physics class? Can I meet my project goals for the next quater? Am I actually busy working or just busy being busy? These questions are like a constant headache throbing in my right eye or worse, like the visit of a very annoying aunt.

I realize that I dont feel like im being challenged with some of the projects that Im undertaking currently and this is causing some restlessness in my being. I am however looking forward to what I have in front of me for the next 10months. Ergo, to take care of my headache and ignore my aunt, I took some personal leave days for relaxation and to be by the Ocean. I returned more exhausted than I was when I got there. However positively because it was in many quiet ways an all encompasing provacative experience.

My internal green lights says YES and I can feel the universe conspiring and pulling me back to it again; Love. Knowing this, Im maturing in how I accept changes in relationships, be it good, bad, or indifferent because its imperative that in life things will always move on to other phases and being "Impasse" has never really suited me. I think I may just have met the perfect stranger and my anthenas are up understanding, knowing, holding on tightly to me and attempting small steps at a new kind of wonderful non-love. I have the sudden urge to break from previoius tireless routines.

In short, the past months are pulling me in different directions and I know I cant figure it all out on my own. Im reading the signs, being joyful, and begining to feel most deserving.

All my love,
Ledor