Twiddling whilst I wait

It has been a considerable while since I last sat down to think outwardly about my circumstance. Many pending decisions to be made, few contemplated and others ignored. Not from lack of interest but from the kind of uncertainty that confounds a dog in a pound. Not to liken myself to dogs but, the similarity is unmistakable and striking. I have been playing with the notion of thinking, therefore I am, and it has failed continually by the unapologetic thief called time.

Its sunday afternoon, in quite minnesota, the sounds of approaching cars, and retreating offenses that I hear from my bedroom window fill my head and dutifully interupt the kaffufle within, only to remind me of the tangible reality of my presence, and to snap out of it and focus on now. In this present time, NOW means waiting for a phonecall that I will most likey not get, waiting for a affirmation from a source that would need to be refilled only in a matter of days, a source that is not me. NOW means redirecting my frame of mind and attitude toward what would be my adventure, my story, the impact of how I eventually be surrounded in my own naked truth. In my contant absorbtion and quest to feed my plight I seek out words other than my own, and currently Stephen Foster's "Hard Times" does well to ease...
Let us pause in life's pleasures and count its many tears
While we all sup sorrow with the poor;
There's a song that will linger forever in our ears,
Oh hard times come again no more. '
Tis the song, the sigh of the weary,
Hard times, hard times, come again no more.
Many days you have lingered around my cabin door,
Oh hard times come again no more.
While we seek mirth and beauty, and music light and gay
There are frail forms fainting at the door.
Though their voices are silent, their pleading looks will say
Hard times come again no more.
May it be so.

So for NOW, I will attempt to adjust the brain cells in my head(if at all possible) to become very close friends with physics, and prepare to like it very much, or in the least enough to get through till tomorrow